why the gap between the rich and the poor will conntinue to widen.

It had all started with nothing. It had all started from nowhere and even though everyone had theories about everything, when it comes right down to it, we know in our hearts of hearts that only the most minor things are actually important. So I ask myself , what is so wrong with our society that makes us all groan under the weight of the economy? Why is it that poverty and its accompanying siblings in the persons of disease, teenage pregnancies, illiteracy, ignorance... Etc are actually the most wide spread and enduring features of our beloved country? Why are graduates becoming okada riders and car wash attendants? Why are our girls becoming little better than prostitutes every day? In asking all these questions, i do not intend to judge any line of profession, for as long as you do not harm your fellow human, in my opinion you are okay. So in my critical assessment of society, I find some very salient causes of poverty, which unfortunately we all overlook all the time. Do you know why there is such a huge gap between the rich and the poor? Because the poor are not making efforts to cross the gaps. They stay and remain in their status almost as if they prefer it. You go to a Nigerian market and find a fully grown man with a small tray of nuts. Everything on the tray would amount to less than 1000 naira and that is his wares for the day. This same man probably has two wives and quite a few kids. Its in my society that you find teenagers between thirteen and nineteen who just wake up and sleep and hang out. We neglect to teach them responsibility and the concept of having your own money. Its in my society that you'll find a man and his wife who live in a one room apartment, and have four or five children. Its in my society that you find a grocery store worth about say 10000 today, and in five months time, its worth as low as 2000. Its in my society that people place more priority on aso ebi than children's school fees and books. Its in my society that you find people in a prayer mountain on Monday morning. Don't get me wrong... Prayer is good... But a mountain on a Monday morning? What is god gonna do, send someone to give you a million naira on the mountain? Every mishap around here is an attack. A spiritual attack. If you die in an accident because you were drunk driving, they accuse the witch. If you burn your house down cos Ure dumb enough to leave a pressing iron plugged in on your rug, its your wicked step mother at work, If you lose all your money because you invested in a business that is on fire, its the jealous people who don't like you. I am confronted with a society where nobody takes responsibility... We all blame each other. We blame the government... The witches... The rich folks... Mediocrity flows freely in and out of us like water through a straw and worse still, we Dont try to make things better. We just grumble and complain every day. If you spend four years in a university studying business and then come out to complain about unemployment, you need serious help. If the government won't help us, what stops us from living anyway? Wasn't there a time when there was no government? Didn't people live? And didn't some get richer and some got poorer? What is to make us better than animals for even animals find alternatives to live when their human masters do not take care of them? Will this maze of foolishness continue? A woman was telling me about her unemployed husband who only stays home when there's food on the table. I'm sorry people... If you have a spouse like the above described one, leave them! They will pull you down and destroy you. He doesn't have a job and yet drives a car... How does he finance it? He claims hes waiting for funds to start a business... Y not sell the car? But no. He prefers to sleep and wake up and worse still he won't help with the kids. Either man or woman, the world we live in is not one where someone should wait on god for financial help. God will not leave the people who are actually making efforts to help you who are more or less sitting in your haunches waiting for him to give you business capital. People I suggest we grow up or continue to grow broke!

questioning reality vs dreams1

I'm walking towards a hill, a steep sloppy hill. Between me and this hill is a deep gulf. So deep that I don't see the bottom. I stand there a while, wondering what to do. The gulf is to wide to put a bridge on, the hill contains my source of life force. I stand there in a dilemma. It doesn't look like anyone is around, yet I see around this gulf a thousand foot prints. A sure evidence of people's intrusion on the otherwise quiet and deserted terrain. I walk a few paces to the left, a few paces backward, forward and right. Somehow, by some folly that I do not understand not care to understand. I get it into my head that I can jump across. So I step back a bit and give myself a head start, as we all fear, I fall right into the pit. And down, deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper I fall, with no bottom in sight for minutes unending! The wait is killing me, I just want to touch bottom and die already! Just as I'm about to give up, (not that there's much I can do about touching bottom anyway!) I touch bottom with a PLOP!!! Lo and behold, I'm in my own stomach. The pit I fell into is in my stomach! Not a pretty sight I assure you all. And no, this isn't a dream I can wake up from. This is happening as real as daylight. But how real is daylight?

INTERROGATING THE INFILTRATION OF TRADITIONAL AFRICAN RELIGIONS INTO WESTERN RELIGION 1

When we learn something new, one of the ways we relate to it is by finding a way to create a link between what we already know and what we have just learnt. Even when the new knowledge involves a complete change of ideology, we are only really able to associate with it by relating it to what we used to believe in. Honestly, I don't know what scientists call this phenomena in human psychology, but here is how I've been able to understand it using the relationship between African traditional religions and the religion of the west that has all but eroded it from the places where it used to reign.

Recently, I was in church and to my amazement, I realised that the prayer points the pastor was giving had very similar components to that of Yoruba incantations. It wasn't this discovery in itself that was so shocking, but the fact that not only didn't any other person seem to notice, they were all saying the prayer points after him with vigour. It there and then occurred to me that the biggest reason that the practice of the western religions have been able to hold firm in Africa is because within the content of western religion, Africans have found a way to infuse attributes of their Indigenous religions. Africans, (in this case, Yoruba people of west African Nigeria) now worship with instruments that are considered. Common to or peculiar to other traditional religions. Take for Instance, the use of BATA, GANGAN, SHEKERE and AGOGO in churches used to be banned because of the original relationship between Yoruba Gods and these musical instruments. Some of these instruments even served as a medium of summoning the Gods.

Another astonishing similarity between the African version of Christianity and the worship of African Gods is the way Africans work themselves into a frenzy through songs and chants while supposedly calling on the Jewish/western god. They would clap and dance and jump and even perform acrobatics and really, apart from the name that they call upon when they pray, there is very little or no difference between them at that moment and other people in the worship of say, Sango;  the Yoruba god of thunder, or Ogun; the god of Iron or even Egungun, the Yoruba representation of ancestors.

Usually, at one point or the other, people might start rolling around and, jumping and behaving weiredly. The pastor would then close in and start saying stuff, invoking the "blood of Jesus" and telling the supposed evil spirit that has taken over the person's body all the reasons why it should vacate the body. This scene that I have painted above is very typical of average protestant and pentecostal churches in my area and at some point, I would often get frustrated by all of this.

Something does occur to me, that if truly, those musical instruments have some relationship with the traditional African gods who are often labelled "demons" by the pastors, then it may be logical to say that in using those Instruments in a building dedicated to the worship of another God, they are inviting the presence of other Gods into the home of another. I don't know about you, but I think It would seem that a clash of titans might be underway.

Does it make any sense to worship a western God like an African God? God is God, and many believe that God is one. But only an ignorant persons would deny the existence of other powers and really, the true identity of the one true God is open to different speculation, interpretations, identification and what ever interrogation any one has for it. If you would worship Christ like you were worshiping Ogun, why worship Christ at all? I believe that when the whites brought their religion and more or less manipulated us into adopting it they brought a manual of how their religion works. Isn't the point of the manual to make sure that people follow a certain guideline on the operation of the new religion? And talking of the manual anyway, it is amusing how when I told someone that "the bible is just a book", she flared up at me, telling me how sacred the bible is. Now that I think of it, the bible is, to christianity (or more accurately to the Jews) what we lack in Yoruba religions and indeed most African religions; a documentation of how everything started, what makes us special, how we should live, history of our prophets and priests and every other fable that has even the most remote link to our religions. So maybe it makes some sense to degrade our religions because one religion just happens to be documented and well, lest I forget, it is the religion of the people who enslaved us for so many years and are still enslaving us now. It is the only economic organisation that doesn't pay taxes in Nigeria.

I'm not holding my pen this day to drag any religion through the mud, only to point out that many practice the western religion because it is the trending and popular thing to do. Just as many become the priest of the western God because of economic advantage. but really who are you kidding? If you claim to be worshipping the christian God and yet you do it in ways that depict the worship of another, I don't get what the point is.

If you wanna be a Christian, be a christian, but if you start making a jumbo out of religion, chances are your worship is nothing and whatever God you think you are praying to is probably more irritated than impressed.

LETS TALK ABOUT THE WORLD. MAN OR WOMAN?

Amongst the biggest pillars that hold any society together is a collective knowledge of what is right and what is wrong. This knowledge is often subconscious and a good deal of the time, no one really comes forth to tell you this is wrong, or that is right. They are things that you garner from your day to day interaction with people. In a recent conversation with some friends, they went on and on about the virtues of a woman, what she should be and not be. They went on to talk about how it is so wrong for a woman to sleep around and why it is perfectly acceptable for men to not only sleep around but also pay for sex. When I tried to argue otherwise stating how wrong it is to castigate women over something that men are celebrated for doing. Almost as if they rehearsed it, the both chorused "it's a man's world". Admist the annoyingly hilarious noise that is common to men when things like this happen; (when they voice something they both agree upon at the same time) I was able to gather my train of thoughts and write.
Of course I don't need to point out that they are men and Therefore understandably biased. But, here is a thought that crossed my mind in the process; what if they are right? What if it's really a man's world?
If for one moment we are able to look beyond the basic conceptual implication of this sentence, we would be able to see what we, as a society have done to ourselves, To the subsequent generations after us and after them also, the idea that this is a man's world has continued to flow in the mind of the average nigerian and perhaps, the average African. I don't wonder why this is so, it is rather glaring isn't it?
The colonial masters would have Africans believe that they treated their women better than Africans did, that we need feminism more than they do, that feminism comes naturally to them and we are the animals who have the female put in a position of subservience. Maybe this is true, but I stumbled upon a ridiculous piece of fact recently; that women who lived in africa about a hundred years before now and beyond have been recorded to have more than one husbands. Divorcing and marrying a new one such that she could have as many as 6 husbands in a lifetime. This is a rather huge discovery judging from its implications. If anything, this single truth means  that in its own way, there was some sort of feminism amongst the African people and perhaps given time and a little push and prod, African feminism could have grown  on its own. But of course we all know that African feminism never got a chance to grow, the Abrahamic religions surfaced and made sure that did not happen. One asked women to cover their heads in shame the other asked women to be invisible. Hidden behind a flowing shadow of black. One places women in the same rank as slaves and animals, the other makes it clear that women are evil; To be controlled and manipulated. To be made to submit to a husband no matter how foolish or numbskull he is. Basically, the arrival of the two Abrahamic religions in Africa spelt doom for the already budding feminism.
Whether Africa had feminism as an ideology or not is not the issue on examination today. Rather, I am here to point out that contrary to what most people seem to believe, laws do not make themselves. Humans make laws. And humans are not made for the laws, laws Are made for humans. Thus it would only make sense for laws and dogma to change from time to time. Society decides what is right and what is wrong, what is true and what is false and what is good and what is bad. Why then does it seem to me that humans seem to have forgotten these facts and instead of man making the laws, the laws are making man, instead of man making and practising religion, the reverse seems to be the case. Humans now walk around with dogma of what a woman should be and what a man should not be. Forgetting that even nature breaks the rules and once in a while, a child is born with one leg instead of two, twins are joined together instead of separate, flowing waters run hot or warm instead of cold, the ground give way and swallow whatever is on it...
One man once asked, that if truly, America is a free country, why do its citizens continue to repeat to each other and themselves that "it's a free country"? Are they trying to convince the person they're saying it to (who probably says it just as much as they do) or they are trying to convince themselves?
In the same vein, why do men continue to repeat "it's a man's world!" is it because they need to say it so often to convince themselves and more importantly, the women? In any organisation on earth, the importance of an employee is determined by how much the employee has to offer. If we are to judge a person's relevance to us by what they can offer us, then in all honesty, it would make no sense to say it's a man's world. But then, we cannot underestimate the usefulness of men in the society. In the periods when a person's relevance or/and leadership qualification is determined by physical strength, it would make some sense to say "it's a man's world' but in the world we live where people with physical strength constantly find themselves in position of service to people of intellect, we can no longer say that it's a man's world because in reality, this world belongs to whoever knows how to break the rules and set new ones.
One of the biggest arguments for why it's a man's world is made by religious people who refer to holy books for proof. Peter said this, Moses said that! Peter and Moses lived in a strictly patriachal world, theirs were times when the rule was to stone anyone who disobeyed the laws to death! Taking advice on how to live your life in a world of today from men like this is many things the least of which is stupid. I know I'm being harsh here but honestly I am tired of people shoving religion in my face everywhere i go. And please let no body bring the Hebrew God into the matter because what God supposedly told the Jews about the laws of existence should not apply to me, a black skinned thick haired African girl. Did I hear someone say I'm racist? I'll show you what is racist. What is racist is God supposedly telling the Jews never to marry outside their tribes. What is racist is killing all of the Egyptian first born sons in order to free the Jews from a slavery into which they walked with their eyes wide open due to their greed. Why didn't they go back home after the famine that brought them to Egypt elapsed? I'll tell you, they didn't go because they saw a chance to be permanent guests in Egypt. I.e not work for much but live there and eat and reproduce. Perhaps if a new pharaoh did not rise, and enslave them, the Jews would have been the ones enslaving the Egyptians in their own land. So, God of all flesh or God of the Jews? Here is the deal, I believe it is okay to believe in God, but God, in creating humans knew exactly what she/he was doing and knew humans were intelligent, blames can be shifted all we want but it seems that we humans only blame other people when things go wrong. When things are rosy, oh well, aren't we just so good at living?
The people who say it is a man's world are not far off the mark, afterall, to who is the whole life of the average African woman dedicated? The truth is it would not be a man's world if we do not constantly make it their world by putting ourselves at gross disadvantages in order to fulfil society's desires.
Marriage now is seen as the end itself and not a means to an end, which it really is. Girls would fight hands, teeth and nails to get a man, only to spend the rest of their lives being subservient. I can understand that beyond the scramble for "wifehood", there is more to life and living and it angers me that other ladies don't. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being a wife, but does it have to come at any and every cost? To make matters worse, the men for whom women go to all these extents are often indifferent and un appreciative. They say it is their world, I say yes it is. For as long as women out there continue to rely heavily on men for financial support, it is their world. For as long as women pawn their bodies out to these sick hypocritical perverts for money, it is their world. For as long as women continue to turn blind eyes to their scumbag cheating husbands because they don't wanna fight, it is their world. For as long as women allow these cheap sneaky assholes to put a gulf between them and their sisters, friends, and other women... it's their frigging world. Ever heard the saying; "bros over hos"? Well, my dear lady that is what the male population have reduced the female population to. holes to put their penises. and whose fault is that? Answer that.
So go on girls. Whore yourselves out to them. Spend your time, energy and whatever intellect you have on them. If you're lucky, you will end up alone and miserably wretched. If you're unlucky, you will end up as wife to one of the dogs out there who thinks it's okay to pay for sex but not okay to receive payment for it .Who will marry you and go out there and bring you STIs. It might be their world, but it is YOUR life in YOUR world. So at least take control of that bit.
The only way to prevent this is to get a life. Go to school, learn a trade, get a job, be relevant. Work harder, don't take shit, don't give shit, and for God's sake,  Live!  Get out there and live

HOW ROYAL is "ROYAL" watch out for the blue bloods.

How royal is royal.
In ancient Africa, and indeed, in ancient everywhere else, the mornachial government form was one form of government that was practiced by most countries and societies. In one form or the other, most empires had kings, queens, dukes, chiefs... and power remained concentrated in one circle. The. Masses remained the masses and the blue bloods remained just so. Sometimes, maybe by marriage or very rarely by adoption,  a plebian might find his/her way into royalty but this was quite rare and even when it does happen, it is admist a lot of rukus.
Royalty is a very subjective term. Because really, there isn't much that makes any royal family different from any normal everyday family. And royalty isn't an automatic guarantee of good leadership qualities. Were this so, kings would not have to enrol their sons in the military to study the art of war and the techniques of guarding their people. What I am saying here is this: At one point in history, people started to see that kings were not really different from them. The idea of devine kingship started to fade. Individual plebians started to make efforts to be economically independent and revolutions started to happen. Somehow, the people had gotten it into their heads that trying other forms of governments was not such a bad idea and this they did. One of the foundation ideas surrounding the creation of America was the need to find a place where people could aspire freely to be what they want without having a king to pay homage and taxes to. The idea was to find a place where everyone would have equal opportunities to grow, expand and achieve their life goals without limitation. With the rise of democracy, a large part of the world embraced it, but not all have been able to actually practice it in all truism.
Fastforward to today, using the Nigerian government as an example, I know that many of us like to believe that nigeria practices a democratic system of government, but really, anyone who has ever bothered to look, really look would know that the nigerian system of government might be presidential, but it is not democratic. I say it is in fact a form of mornachy. You wonder how? Here it is:
The Nigerian government public office position are filled through public votes yes?
The candidates that are presented come from and represent political parties yes?
Ticket to contest for these public offices are often so expensive that the average everyday man with an average job and a reasonable income cannot afford it without either stealing or borrowing from people who he will then owe. Yes?
We have had same persons filling one political office post or the other for as long as thirty years yes?
The average years of tenure for a king in old Nigeria would be right about a minimum of twenty years all things being equal yes?
There is a specific Caucus of people from which leaders and potential leaders are chosen yes? If you have doubts about this, you might want to check two generations of political office holders. Of course there will be exceptions such as maybe the immediate ex president, and a few other people. But really, check out the Yar' adua family, the Obasanjo family, the Shettima family, the Sanusi family... and I'm sure that if we dig just a bit deeper we could come up with hundreds of family names that seem to be recurrent in our political books.
Democracy, when it was concieved was believed to be the government of the people, by the people, for the people. The question is who are the people?
More than sixty percent of Nigerians live below a dollar in a day. And as far as anyone knows, sixty percent is a good majority. By economic classification, the likes of many of the people who lead us today do not qualify as "people". Our present president tried to make a "people" out of himself when he complained about the price of the presidential ticket which was at #22m, but wait, did his wife did or did not wear a #10.7m wrist watch to his inauguration?  Would they then qualify as "people?"
Nigeria runs a government based on the ideals of mornachy. Certain families have dictated the fate of the country for quite a while and now, even though we claim that we run a democracy, I hope we know better now.
The main problem that I had with Goodluck Jonathan's attempt to rule. Nigeria again is that I do not see any reason why a single person should rule a country this big for ten years straight. That is just wrong. Especially considering the fact that the people are so dissatisfied with his government. If we wanted to run a mornachical government, well let's get on with it already but please let's just stop lying to ourselves. Just as being of "royal" blood does not guarantee good leadership skills, so it is that just because someone has the money for presidential ticket does not make him a prospective good leader. According to Marx's theory on the structure of society, there are three categories of people in the society: Workers, Peasants and Soldiers. But he seems to have left someone out; Politicians!
The idea of the existence of politics and politicians is not the problem. The idea of making a family business out of politics is the problem. In a few generations, if Nigeria continues exactly the way it is running it's government right now, we will be back to full breed mornarchy and yes, the rich will get even richer, and the poor will get poorer. The gulf between the rich and the poor will get even wider and we will be back to Zero point.

If you want a better Nigeria, if you want to be able to close your eyes in death, knowing that your children are safe from authoritative exploitation through a pseudomornachial system of government, then you better watch out for these "blue" bloods.

You dont love two people, your brain is decieving you!

It's another beautiful day, and as usual, there is something to talk about. It is going to be a discussion about a trend that I have seen around and I'm starting to wonder about.

It is the concept of having more than one romantic affairs and tagging some parties "main chick" or "main guy" and the rest side "chicks" or side "guys". Of course this does not apply to everybody but to those whom it does apply, please patiently read this.
There is a strange contradiction in the minds of humans that even some scientists admit that they do not understand. This phenomenon deals with the idea that a human being can love more than one person at a time. Some say it is not true, others take the opposite direction of view. I say we should talk about it first.
The mind of a human being works in such a way that it organises and arranges things on its own. We can control our mind, yes but most of the activities of the human mind are subconscious and hence involuntary. This means that there is a limit to how much we can control the workings of our mind, the only thing we can really control is what we feed our minds with. It is with this at the backs of our minds that I want to discuss the idea of being able to truly love more than one person in a romantic way.
Oftentimes when we think that we love someone, it is a bunch of waves and signals in our brain telling us we enjoy that person's company. This flow of waves and signals can be associated with more than one thing. Which will explain why the average human has at least two hobbies or two things that they like. With family, it's more of an issue of getting used to because you've been with them most of your early life and possibly having grown up together, you have memories with and about each other but even then, you would enjoy some family members' company than the others'. But when outside your comfort zone and in the world where nobody likes you by default and you don't like anybody by default, liking someone become something that is done based on the signals that your brain sends you about that particular person. And these waves can be influenced by a few things such as the person's appearance, manners, voice, shared interests, intelligence etc...
Now, another thing we need to know about the waves is that is can be replicated from event to event and person to person. Maybe in varying quantities and qualities but the replication of the waves is not something that can be ignored in the discourse of how a person can claim to have romantic feelings towards more than one persons.
Oftentimes when we claim that we are in love with two people, in reality we have been in the process of "unloving" the first of the two for a while and if what we felt for the first. Person was worth anything to start with, the feelings would not just disappear but would go in batches and in fact can be awoken from its slumber with the right chain of events. But if it doesn't awake, and we do find someone whom we start to care about, we might find ourselves occasionally back in the arms of our ex. The reason for this would be the brain's attempt to hold on to something familiar. The new person becomes a pawn in a game that is set rolling by our brain in a bid to correct mistakes of the past, made by us or our ex. This is why we are often warned against attempting a serious relationship with someone who is fresh out of a relationship. (rebound)
I know of two main reasons why we might feel like we are in love with more than one persons. The first is the one identified above, as when we are in a process of falling out of love with someone but the process is incomplete and we find someone new along the way. The other is even simpler than the first but it applies mostly to ladies but also to the men.
As humans, we all have some standard of association.
 Girls go:
"If he doesn't call within the first three days, he's out"
Guys go:
"If she doesn't agree to visit within the first three days, she's out"

And so on and so on.
But really, when it comes down to the real rules, we all have ideals on what our partner should be like. Some of these ideals are subconscious and some are conscious. But really, finding someone who will be exactly what we want, "no more no less" might be difficult so we settle. We settle for the nearest next best thing. At the same time though, we may subconsciously or consciously continue to look out for what we want and eventually, we find someone that is closer to the mark than the person we have. Unfortunately, we might have made some good memories with the person that we had, and well, we really want the new person cos they fit the specifications better. So basically, we can be fooled by our brains when it is making it's adjustments and comparisons. It is left to us to be alert and analyse our feelings appropriately.
Another point worth mentioning is that as we all know, life is an issue of survival of the fittest, the strongest live to fight another day. But sometimes, more than one strong person appear at the apex and it becomes quite a fix to decide which one should stay at the top. In primitive times, such dilemmas would be settled by a match of wrestling between the two apex people. (if they are men) but these days, the fight takes place in more subtle forms and can drag on for forever. This is the point where it is ideal for us as humans to sit down and think. Maybe write a list of pros and cons if it is our thing, but when it all comes down to it, it is a matter of the heart and in reality, it is indeed almost impossible to have exactly the same amount of emotional feelings for more than one persons.



Make up your heart people, your mind won't help you.

police brutality; when will it stop?

The Nigerian Justice system.
Okay so here's a joke I read recently. It is about how investigations are carried out in nigeria. I Know you are probably giggling to yourself and wondering what the hell this lady means by "investigation" because really, no nigerian can say they know of any actual investigation that was carried out by the Nigerian police.
So hey, here is the joke.
American police: chase the thief for. A while, let the thief catch you then catch the thief.

Chinese Police: chase the thief, find the, fight some kungfu and lecture the thief about the purity of souls. Then of course catch the thief

Indian Police: chase the thief, sing him a song with a hot girl dancing. For him, then catch the thief.

Nigerian police: go into the streets, arrest anyone that "looks" like a thief, beat him until he confesses to being a thief. (even if he's not. especially if he's not)


Now this might seem hilarious at first, but really, Nigerians, the joke is on us. The person who has been arrested could be anybody really. This is not necessarily an issue of corruption. This is an issue of police brutality happening all the time and we witnessing it but never saying anything. Yesterday it was Ahmed that was arrested and tortured, tomorrow it will be Kunle. And Yes, there is a recent issue on this. A woman was beaten to profuse bleeding point by police on the allegation that she stole an Ipod. She sustained serious injuries including a broken femur on her left leg. As usual, police has denied it and as usual, Nigerians are groaning silently and praying to God to protect them from sad situations like Poor Karamat.
Day in day out, Nigerians have continued to suffer both from the injustices of a corrupt government and the agony of police harassment. But for how long?
How long will Nigerians suffer in silence?
I'll answer that...
For as long as Nigerians remain silent, the harassment will go on. For as long as police need to be bribed to do their jobs, we are not safe. For as long as bribing a police official remains the norm and more than half of the people In prison cells have no legal representation provided by the government, well... we can figure the rest out.
So go on Nigerians!
Go on giving the bribes, and when cheated by the police, keep mute. Go on turning a deaf ear when Nigerians who have the guts do raise it, and when people raise banners and pla-cards in protest of police brutality, behave like you're not in the country. The table might be rather slow in turning but be sure that it will get to you. Sooner or later, something tells me, sooner than later. So I humbly suggest that Nigerians start talking. Not in their houses, not in the beer parlours and definitely not in the churches.
I suggest we take this talks to the schools. The T.V, the radio, Internet posts etc.

what it is like to be a woman when you are black

What is it like to be a woman when you're black?
Big question huh? And I bet most people do not ask. It. Well here it is.

A woman who is black in an African country is well, two possible things. Either rich enough for people to gossip about all the "sacrilegious things she does behind her back and never to her face. Or not so rich and she would not dare do any "sacrilegious" things.
For the purpose of this discourse, sacrilegious would mean Un African things such as calling your husband by his first name, having maids do most of the house work, not having any extended family member live with you, eating out often, "preventing" your husband from having other women, and well, of course not turning him into a demi god.
Being a black woman is so complicated that a special place might as well be given to that particular gender category. Dont get me wrong. Being African is a thing of beauty and pride in all the right proportions. I use the word "black". Here in order to show the primitive light in which I cast the idea of being "black"


Sometime last week, there was a discussion on the radio about if it is right for a woman to call her husband by his first name and not "baba peace" or "daddy junior". Some people were for the argument and some were against. But in everything, I was particularly irritated by the very idea that they would even make a debate out of how a woman should address and refer to her husband.
Starting with the issue of how a man must be addressed by his wife, this is my tupence on it;
The relationship between a man and his wife is a super complicated one. Except you were there when they met and have been in their lives all the way, it would make no sense to assume anything about their marriage. About a hundred years ago, when men married women who were as much as twentyfive years younger, it made some sense that the women were quite deferential towards their husbands. The age difference was an automatic barrier and for anyone who knows the smallest things about Africa, we would know that respect for older people is a big deal in the African world. It would seem justified on those counts then that women were not allowed to call their husbands by their first names.
Fastforward to today, when age difference between couples these days can be as little as two months or sometimes with the wife even older than the husband. Women are starting to find it increasingly uncomfortable to have to be deferential towards their men. In the world we live in today, old men would stoop to greet way younger women because the women are richer. Age is no longer an automatic guarantee of respect and deference as these things are now earned and no longer anybody's right. Thus, we have to go back to the question of what it is like to be a black woman today. As a woman of African descent, born, bred, and living on the African soil, the first thing that marks or at least is expected to mark your attitude is an automatic deference towards the menfolk. This simple factor thus marks everything else that you do within and sometimes outside the context of marriage and this to say the least is frustrating for women who have evolved. Relationship laws within the structures of marriage has never favoured a woman, even amongst the supposed western educated elite. You are still scrutinised and judged at every point, 'virtue' is still expected of you, and by virtue I mean the nature that makes you make a doormat out of yourself for your husband to walk on and even then, there will still be people who will say you are not lying flat enough.
Anyone wondering why this is a topic for discussion this early morning? Well, here it is.
African women out there reading this, you need to start to appreciate certain things about yourselves and the world you live in today.
1) this is the 21st century and respect is earned and not automatic. Don't marry him in the first place if you don't respect him else you will hate yourself for feeling deferential towards a man who doesn't deserve it. Plus it has to go both ways. You respect him, he respects you. Don't settle for less.
2) "respect" does not mean "subservience", loyalty does not mean "slavery". He is your husband, not God. Something tells me some even fear their husbands more than they do God.
3) give him something to respect. Work, earn your own cash. A penniless woman is a voiceless woman and he/she who controls cash commands respect. Take it or leave it, being a housewife will make you voiceless, even if it is a small store or shop. Get something doing.
4) do not pretend to be "good". Well behaved women do NOT make history so don't even bother giving him the "I am a good wife material" impression. Be yourself and work on yourself positively.
5) being lazy when it comes to household chores is not the evil. Being Uninnovative as to how to get things done IS the problem. Everyone likes a clean and tidy house, even you do. So forget about him for a moment and figure out a way to keep your home a home and not a dunghill.
6) standard is important not just to the man. But to the people around him. Like I said earlier, the cash speaks. Your independence is important to your happiness and your work will give you independence. Family members are not necessarily evil, but the familiarity should be minimal. The age when your marriage is to them all and not just the man is gone. This is the age of marriage to the man and friendliness to his family. Simple.

In the next update, we will talk about other aspects of being a Woman and being black.

why fathers rape their daughters 2 ; the Oedipus rex!

I am going to start the part 2 of why men rape their daughters with the story surrounding the Oedipus complex.

A Greek play written by Sophocles the great tragedian. According to the story, the king and queen has a baby son, but the oracle warns them that the child will bring evil to the kingdom by killing his father and marrying his mother. The parents are distraught but agree that the best thing to do is to kill the new born. The person saddled with this grievous responsibility however takes pity on the child and lets it live. It is adopted by a couple from another city but when the boy grows into a man and finds out about the prophesy of his birth, he runs away from home and soon kills an old man in his farm. He goes into the city, solves their present problems and is made king. He marries the previous king's wife and fathers children by her only to discover later that the man he killed is his father and the woman he married is his mother.

Sigmund Freud read into this text a whole new meaning, pushing that the complex that makes Oedipus marry his mother after killing his father is a psychological thing and has little to do with the prophesy.
Scientists and psychologists have risen to debunk Freud's theories on the parent-child fixation, but it is worthy of note that we continue to see such things in our societies even today. If we say Freud was totally wrong, how come we have continued to see such happenings?
Perhaps, a good deal of men who sleep with their own daughters are indeed sexual predators who do need to be punished to the maximum. But then how much of these offspring rape cases are actual rape?
I read a newspaper article recently of a woman who is asking for help on what to do with her daughter who has basically taken her father for a lover. The father and daughter are apparently in love and are not even doing it secretly. Now I know a lot of Nigerians will attribute this kind of phenomenon to the works of the devil and the enemy. But for a minute, let's ignore religion and spirituality and spiriticism. Let's look at this from a very practical point of view, if you have a pubertal child in the house who would rather talk to her father or his mother than talk to a parent of the same sex then you would know that even though this might not be a cause for alarm, it is definitely a pointer to the potentially super dangerous nature of the Oedipus complex. When parents have squabbles and children take sides, have you noticed that female children tend to stick with their father's and male to their mother's side? That might be another pointer. Finally, if it is true that female children often find it easier to get money out of their dad's as sons are more likely to get money out of their moms, then you'll see where I'm going with this.
 Recently, a young girl who was carrying a six months old pregnancy for her father was interviewed. She claimed that she was raped. Not once, not twice, not thrice. And she got pregnant and did not make any real effort to have it aborted. Plus she refused to give up the identity of the father of her child until much latter. She was fifteen years old when the sexual assault started.My question is this; why didn't she say something after the first incident. After she discovered that she was pregnant, why didn't she reveal who was responsible? Was she scared or was she protecting herself, her father and their unborn child? If she had gone public early enough, society might have prevailed on her to have an abortion, she must have known this because an average fifteen year old would know this. (not to talk of the fact that she was seventeen when she became pregnant) so why wait till it is almost impossible to have an abortion before revealing. For six months, she did not budge. She then tells the world after six months?

The Oedipus complex has been around us a lot. It is everywhere in various degrees. A healthy level of the Oedipus complex might be when a person chooses a spouse according to their perception of their opposite sex parent, but even this can be dangerous.
There is this saying; that the way a man treats his woman is a reflection of how he sees his mother. So let's say his mother was abusive and was a bad wife and mother. He might unconsciously treat his woman with that particular stereotype and vice versa. So basically, the Oedipus complex is a double edged sword that can either save you or kill you, depending on how you let it influence your decisions.

why fathers rape their own daughters. part 1

When I was a little girl of five, maybe less. My dad used to bath and dress me and my sisters for school. Sometimes, when he gets back from work and is so tired and worn that he just lies down on the couch, I would go over there and lie on top of him. I would bite at his nipples and pull the hair on his chest. Sometimes he would just sleep off, but other times he would give me an attitude and ask me to go and sleep like a good girl. Another super bad habit of mine was to refuse to eat my food unless it was my dad's leftover. I had somehow gotten it in my head that his leftovers tasted better and well, he felt flattered and indulged my childishness. We were very close, my dad and I. So close that sometimes, I fancy myself knowing what he is thinking and what he will say before he says it. We would have long meaningless conversations about everything and nothing and I was one hell of a happy kid.

But then, secondary school came and I insisted on going to the boarding house because my sisters did. Unfortunately, and perhaps fortunately, that single decision to be a boarder started the creation of distance between I and my dad. Before long, puberty set in and like all girls at puberty, I created my own world and would have to be dragged kicking and screaming to get out of it for a while to see what the world is really about. The distance widened and widened and widened. Until we barely exchange more than polite exchanges of pleasantries.
The relationship between a man and his daughter can be so beautiful. But also very dangerous. The Oedipus complex, a theory propagated by Sigmund Freud, a philosopher of old is that a child usually has an opposite sex parent fixation such that that child's spouse will be chosen based on the child's perception of this opposite sex parent. This fixation can get so bad that an actual romantic relationship can actually develop between say... Father and Daughter or Mother and Son. We have to understand that the Oedipus complex thing actually goes both ways. The parent can become attracted to their own child, and the child can become attracted to their parent and thus if it is not properly controlled and managed, it can become a monster that devours you, and the people you love.
On the continually ignored issue of fathers having sex with their daughters, we have to note that the Oedipus Complex doesn't always apply. Some fathers are just sick psychos who should be put away. But here is my tupence on the issue:

Fathers who have sex with their children may have a form of the Oedipus complex or the other. But as adult humans, it is our duties to shelter our children from abuse, either from ourselves or anybody else. To women out there, if and when you notice the smallest, tiniest bit of sexual comments, attitude, look etc... in your husband towards your child, please do not be quiet about it. anything that goes beyond the normal father-daughter affection is abnormal and should be discussed with the husband first, and then publicly if you don't think it stopped.
Most sociopaths have been found to be people with a background of abuse: Sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse and so on. As children grow, they notice things and are way more conscious than us. Any little complain from them should be taken seriously and addressed irrespective of who the complaint is levelled against. Children know when you have fought for them, so don't pretend to do it, do it. To protect your child and to gain their trust. Let's try not to raise sociopathic kids shall we?

dear bruce, sorry caitlyn Jenner

I know a girl. A young girl of 15. She's got feet size 42 for boys and has shoulders a tad too wide. She's got the carriage of a boy and is taller than most girl I know. She is thick set, with a rather strong jawline that looks like a boy's. More than thrice, people have mistaken her for a boy in my presence even when she's got "girly" clothes on. Her nature doesn't help much, she's doesn't make any intentional efforts to look feminine. She is stronger than most girls her age and parents of boys her age sometimes complain that she has beaten up their sons. Once, while contemplating the transgender idea, I asked her if she ever viewed herself as a boy, with a vagina and would like to correct that error? She smiled slowly and said she doesn't think so. "I'm a girl alright, I guess nature was gonna make me a boy and then at the last minute realised how big a mistake that would be. I am what I am, I won't wish to be what I'm not"

Honestly,
She drew me to tears with those words.
Now, I know people are different. I know sometimes things happen and we wish they didn't, or that we were someone else. But how far should we go to make these things happen? At what age and what cost to ourselves and our loved ones?
Bruce jenner, sorry Catilyn Jenner, you have taken a bold step. And well, I must salute you for it. But really, I need you to ask your self
"at what cost has this happened?"
many people will celebrate you today because they think you are crazy and we'll, isn't crazy the new norm? But in my honest opinion, what you have done is killed your mother's son and offered her a devastatingly ridiculous looking daughter. If she forgives you for this, then of course I'll understand, for mothers are want to do such crazy things as forgiveness themselves.
Bruce Jenner, sorry Catilyn Jenner, you took your children's father away and gave them an extra mum, a not so much of a mom version anyway, I guess some of them will pretend not to mind since there so much money coming in from it. But really, who are we kidding? I know your friends might support you, but then you and I know that if something had gone wrong on the operating table, they would gossip about how ridiculous you look while laying wreaths on your casket.
My dear Bruce, sorry Catilyn, I'm sorry if I'm bursting your bubble but this was a very bad idea. Did you ever play a game of masquerades? Well, if you did, you would know that regardless of what the masquerade looks like, we would always know who is inside it and much later, we might even accuse our friends of misbehaving when in the masquerade. Unfortunately, this Masqurade of yours is not one you can drop. And even though I wish you the best of luck in it, I will always know the handsome man in the Masqurade. And so will many others... people who care about you, people you care about.
Dear Catilyn Jenner, this is just a distant person's opinion and should not hinder your new life, afterall, what do I know about you save for the fact that you were once a handsome middle aged man who sold his soul for publicity. Or in snoop Lion's words, a science project!

FEMI FANI KAYODE, PLEASE BE GUIDED!

Suicide bombing is not a new phenomenon in Nigeria. Rather. It has become one of those things that nigerians hear about and go right on with their daily activities as if nothing happened. Before the April 2015 elections that brought in General Buhari as the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, there had not been any proven affiliation of GMB or his political party to the terrorist organisation Boko Harram. But this morning, it was recorded that prominent Nigerian lawyer Fani Kayode passed comments on the "volumes" spoken by the fact that a suicide bomber shouted "Sai Buhari" before blowing himself up and killing many other people. I say to him, "Boss, park well"
Fanaticism is not something that can be controlled and if anyone should know this, it is widely read people like him. Insinuating that GMB is somehow linked to the terror group because one of them shouted his name before blowing himself up is the same as saying that Jesus is a murderer because millions of women were killed in the name of the religion he started in the 18th century. Almost 1,800 years after his death.
A lot of religious Fanatics destroy lives and properties in the name of one god or another, in the same vein, atheists insult and ridicule and sometimes even curse theists on facebook pages. Give or take a few decades, maybe there will be atheist terrorists too.
I'm not supporting Terrorism, but then neither am I supporting bigotism. It is logically wrong to make assumptions based on the state of mind of a suicide bomber. Any lawyer that is worth his/her title would know that presenting a religious fanatic who is willing to kill himself and a lot of other innocent people for the sake of religion as a witness in court is a risky gamble. If it would be unwise to present this kind of character as a witness in a court case, how is it wise to make an insinuation of this magnitude about a man based on the words of the same character?

THE NIGERIAN POLITICAL CLASS AND THE PEOPLE's QUEST FOR. GOOD GOVERNANCE.

ABSRACT.
This essay is a way of delving into the political situation in Nigeria in relation to the Nigerian Electorate's quest for good governance. This essay will examine how their thirst for good governance affects their choices.
THE NIGERIAN POLITICAL CLASS AND THE PEOPLE's QUEST FOR. GOOD GOVERNANCE.
What is a political class?
According to Wikipedia, a Political class refers to a relatively small group of activists that are highly aware and active in politics and from which the  national leadership is largely drawn. There are three levels of political class in Nigeria; the Federal level, State and Local government levels. The federal level houses the ministers, members of the house of Representatives, senate, Vice President and President. The state level encompasses the commissioners, members of the house of assembly, the Deputy Governor and the Governor. The local government level then includes the Local Government parastatals such as commissioners, vice chairperson, and the chairperson.
From the Nigeria political classes, we often choose the people whom we deem most eminent as our leaders. This political may contain a lot of people, some of whom the electorate believe do not belong and others whom the electorate believe actually belong there . The Nigerian political class is however not a single unified body but divided into segments which are known as political parties. These parties present candidates anytime there's a political office to be filled. The members of these political parties may not be known to the electorate except when they are contesting for public offices. This trend is one that is unhealthy to the political health of a country.
On the idea of the people's quest for good governance, it's is important to know that most adult Nigerians have some political philosophy or the other. Every government will be criticised by its citizens and even the opposition parties. Criticism can be positive or negative, constructive or deconstructive. But criticism puts the government on its toes and aware of their actions at all time. This is not to say that tyranic, totalitarian and unfair governments do not arise from time to time. The interesting thing however is the fact that even the tyrants often have their own loyal subjects. Perhaps out of fear or out of genuine respect, we can observe that they have their own fan base. This idea brings to mind the character named Boxer in George Orwell's "Animal Farm" who despite all obvious oddities, defends Napoleon's actions loyally.
It is natural for humans to crave good governance as a good government could result to a lot of positive things for the society. There now remains the question of how to get the desired good governance. Governments have come and gone, each promising heaven on earth before getting elected but then falling severely short of the promised standard each time. The people's hopes rise and fall like the inflections of an opera. It is in a Bid to put a stop to this that some discussions have taken place and some schools of thought arisen. Some schools of thought believe that the best part of the society that should provide the leader is the lower class as it is their believe that a person who has not experienced poverty cannot Really sympathise and empathise with the people. The other school of thought believes that an ideal leader Should be from the upper class as he would have the good experience on what to do with societal resources.
In my humble opinion, both schools of point might have a point, but isn't it important to have leaders from all walks of life? There are more than one political offices to be filled in the government of a nation, it is important for citizens to vote according to their intuition and emotions. Not religious, ethnic or even association sentiments.
But of course this laws only hold in theory, it is not the case with many Nigerian societies as there are numerous ethnic groups and a vivid division of interest along tribal lines. This makes it somewhat difficult to actually have a popularly loved government.
But like every other civilisation, Nigeria has come to that point where social or ethnic identity means little or nothing! The people have realised that good leadership has no direct link to tribe or religion. And that the best way to get good governance is to judge intelligently and without bias. Nigerians' quest for good governance has been brought about by the realisation that good governance is key to moving the nation forward. It is however unfortunate that it is impossible to vote without political party bias. Political affiliation might influence a person's decision, such that they vote for the repute of the party rather than the character of the candidate. Indeed, the people's loyalty to political parties are  the main factor behind political violence as the people become divided behind the lines of political parties' association. Political parties do have their own pros; they provide political ideologies, political manifestos, criticism of the party in government etc. But isn't there a way of achieving all these things without political parties? Are the functions of political parties worth the  price that nigerians have paid, and are still paying? Nigeria is already divided by circumstances that cannot be controlled; tribal differences. Do we have to create another platform for division?
In conclusion, it is worthy to note that even though change is important, and more notoriously inevitable, it also comes at a cost. The Nigerian population might have to sit down and decide just what aspects of their lives they want the change to affect, how far they want the change to go, how fast they want it to happen and for how long their chosen form of change would have to reign before another form of change is needed. Maybe the change that we need is to be found in us, already there and waiting for us to put it into effect. The change that external forces have to offer may be beneficial, but how long can we go before yearning and questing for another? Political parties ensure that the mantle of government gets exchanged from hand to hand and from time to time, this robs our people of a sense of stability and trust. But without them, we would be left with no platform from which to choose our leaders. The quest for change should not become a form of chains, rather let's make the quest for change a way to brace ourselves and adjust our ways for the betterment of our individual communities.