A friend once told me when I asked her why she always asked if a guy is rich before allowing me to give him her number. She had simply replied:
I don't do poor guys. "
I had looked at her scornfully and asked
" is your father a billionaire or what"
She smiled sadly and said...
" that's the more reason why I shouldn't do poor guys."
At this point... I didn't really understand her, I was confused and irritated to say the least. But I reserved my comments for the sake of the friendship and moved on to other things.
So two weeks ago, I was in a bus going from Ado Ekiti to ile Ife, I was the last passenger to get on the bus and when I got into the bus, there were already nine men, two women and three ladies, one little child whose gender was difficult to tell due to the many layers of rags and the bushy hair and sunken eyes. I was the fifteenth person on that bus, phew!
In the bus, a misunderstanding broke out between a man and a woman over seating space...( I admit that the woman had one too many pounds on her ass) the man insulted her thoroughly and even threatened to slap her. Her husband was also in the car but he only joined the man in lambasting his wife. I was irritated, eventually I looked behind me and said to the man;
" daddy ejor e gbe enu yin je"
Meaning, " daddy please shut your mouth"
The man looked at me, aghast. Here he was, scolding a woman, a married woman and this little girl was telling him to shut up? At first he didn't know what to say. Before he could recover from that, I looked at the woman's husband and said to him,
" ati eyin naa, iyawo yin ni won bu to yen... E de joko sibe. Etun n bu naa"
Meaning
" and you too... someone is insulting your wife like that and you sit there and join him"
The woman's husband responded to me with insults which I returned in full dose. Eventually, it occurred to me that there were something common to the men in the car who were now actively supporting their counterparts, they were all poor, uneducated or barely educated men. They were all dressed shabbily and the long term effects of suffering and hardship was etched into their faces like tribal marks. They all seemed to have similar mentality to life, love, relationships and women. To them, women were objects to be acquired and disposed at will. To be made to serve and tend to their need, to bear and nurture children when needed and to be used for sexual pleasure. Objects of lesser intelligence no matter how educated they happened to be. I looked at all of this and saw in them a man I knew, my friend's dad. The type of man whom she had been avoiding by insisting that she didn't want a poor man. I suddenly found myself understanding what margaret had said... that men like her father were not ideal for girls like her. So I did my research, and as usual I came upon some interesting findings.
1. If he is from very poor, uncivilised background, it will not really matter if he himself is educated and rich, he is still a product of that environment and should therefore be treated with gloved hands. His background of lack will influence his relationship with you. He will expect you to be "grateful" to him for whatever he does, no matter how minute. Don't get me wrong, being grateful is not bad, but there are some sorts of gratefulness that only works to make you feel little. Small, undeserving of good things. This of course does not make him totally unmarriagable, you have to look at all tue other possible traits before making that decision.
2. If he is financially weak, you might wanna be careful before you say "I do". A hungry man is an angry snake... and an angry snake lashes out at the nearest objects! You as his woman are the nearest person, you will get bitten more than once.
This is not to say that "hunger" or in this case poverty is literal. Let me explain.
Poverty is not a disease. in fact, financially poor people are more likely to find, feel and value love more than rich people. But attitude to wealth or poverty is very important in determining if that seeming poverty is indeed poverty.
If he is not rich, isvhe making efforts, i mean actual efforts to leave that position? Is his outlook to life like a person who does not see himself as being in that position forever? Does he have that hopeless look on his face and countenance? like he has accepted his place in life? then he is a very poor man indeed. RUN
3. If he is the only rich person or mildly successful person in that family, you might wanna reconsider. Or at least consider deeply, one rich man amongst ten poor family members is still a poor man. The dependence of people on him will kill whatever wealth he has. If you're his woman, you will constantly find that his own "duties" will start to eat into your own purse. You will be rich, but poor by the very standards of being rich.
Of ciurse this doesnt apply everytime but how do you know if yours is one of those times when it will not appear?
If you visit his background...
(not necessary physically. you can visit his backgroung through how he talks about his family members, how he relates with them and how much of family responsibility he bears and more importantly, is expected to bear.)
... and discover that they call to him for way too many things and he seems to spend more on family issues and needsof family members than himself, run.
The last thing you need is a man who has the weight of an entire clan on his shoulder. You might find yourself and your children constantly competing for his material attention with his extended family.
TAHERE NOING WRONG IN A MAN LOOKINGOUT FOR HIS FAMILY MEMBERS O
Just so long as its not overwhealming.
4. Even if a man comes into sudden wealth, if he somehow manages to educate and civilise himself, don't forget that the appearance of wealth (physical wealth) is not and can never be the same as true wealth ( wealth of the mind). If the physical wealth is good enough for you, then by all means go for it. But if you require more from a man than cash and sex, then you might have to scrutinise that seeming wealth. Wealth is not about just cash. If a foolish man holds money, he can turn it to sand. If a wise man holds sand, he can turn ot to money.
Even if he doesnt have physical cash now, what are his prospects? does he have a brain and mind but most importantly a will that can fetch him cash later?
If you marry a man because of his physical cash, without being sure if this is a streak of luck that can run out or a earned and well deserved cash, you might be in for some trouble.
5. Given the points above, A poor man (according to the standards described above) in many ramifications is a helpless man, one of the major needs of a human is the need of the ego. The need to belong, to feel important, to feel powerful. If a man loses the favour of money, he loses this ego related need and therefore makes substitutions consciously or unconsciously by trying to lord it over people closest to him. Who is closest to a man besides his wife? You will become his psychological and perhaps physical punching bag. You can save yourself that trouble by staying away from mentally and physically poor men.
6) It is easier for a rich man to "pretend" successfully that he loves you. Than for a poor man to "prove" that he loves you. If a man is rich, and he's not... well, to use the rich people's language... " he's not the best of husbands..." then you can console yourself with money and expensive gifts... but if a poor man is a... to use the poor people's language; "bad husband..." then you are doomed. (sorry for. Using the "D" word"
Also, a rich man can easily show his affection with gifts and trips and attention, a poor man will be too busy trying to be rich to love you the way you deserve to be loved (even If he has the means to).
Having the means to buy you stuff does not make a man rich though, and it will be of utmost importance to understand that by "Rich" I do not necessarily refer to money. (even though money is a very important factor. *smile*)
Why do you think all the fairytale are about the wealthy prince and the damsel? And not the pauper and the damsel?
Because wealthy princes are better disposed to loving in the proper way that paupers cannot fathom.
If hes a prince indeed (not necessarily by title) he will treat you like a princess. If hes a peasant, you might be stuck with being the princess's chambermaid. Sorry, no insult intended to the paupers but Me thinks ill take a wealthy prince any day over mister pauper who will not have intellectual or/and physical wealth to spend and will still treat his lady like rags.
I don't do poor guys. "
I had looked at her scornfully and asked
" is your father a billionaire or what"
She smiled sadly and said...
" that's the more reason why I shouldn't do poor guys."
At this point... I didn't really understand her, I was confused and irritated to say the least. But I reserved my comments for the sake of the friendship and moved on to other things.
So two weeks ago, I was in a bus going from Ado Ekiti to ile Ife, I was the last passenger to get on the bus and when I got into the bus, there were already nine men, two women and three ladies, one little child whose gender was difficult to tell due to the many layers of rags and the bushy hair and sunken eyes. I was the fifteenth person on that bus, phew!
In the bus, a misunderstanding broke out between a man and a woman over seating space...( I admit that the woman had one too many pounds on her ass) the man insulted her thoroughly and even threatened to slap her. Her husband was also in the car but he only joined the man in lambasting his wife. I was irritated, eventually I looked behind me and said to the man;
" daddy ejor e gbe enu yin je"
Meaning, " daddy please shut your mouth"
The man looked at me, aghast. Here he was, scolding a woman, a married woman and this little girl was telling him to shut up? At first he didn't know what to say. Before he could recover from that, I looked at the woman's husband and said to him,
" ati eyin naa, iyawo yin ni won bu to yen... E de joko sibe. Etun n bu naa"
Meaning
" and you too... someone is insulting your wife like that and you sit there and join him"
The woman's husband responded to me with insults which I returned in full dose. Eventually, it occurred to me that there were something common to the men in the car who were now actively supporting their counterparts, they were all poor, uneducated or barely educated men. They were all dressed shabbily and the long term effects of suffering and hardship was etched into their faces like tribal marks. They all seemed to have similar mentality to life, love, relationships and women. To them, women were objects to be acquired and disposed at will. To be made to serve and tend to their need, to bear and nurture children when needed and to be used for sexual pleasure. Objects of lesser intelligence no matter how educated they happened to be. I looked at all of this and saw in them a man I knew, my friend's dad. The type of man whom she had been avoiding by insisting that she didn't want a poor man. I suddenly found myself understanding what margaret had said... that men like her father were not ideal for girls like her. So I did my research, and as usual I came upon some interesting findings.
1. If he is from very poor, uncivilised background, it will not really matter if he himself is educated and rich, he is still a product of that environment and should therefore be treated with gloved hands. His background of lack will influence his relationship with you. He will expect you to be "grateful" to him for whatever he does, no matter how minute. Don't get me wrong, being grateful is not bad, but there are some sorts of gratefulness that only works to make you feel little. Small, undeserving of good things. This of course does not make him totally unmarriagable, you have to look at all tue other possible traits before making that decision.
2. If he is financially weak, you might wanna be careful before you say "I do". A hungry man is an angry snake... and an angry snake lashes out at the nearest objects! You as his woman are the nearest person, you will get bitten more than once.
This is not to say that "hunger" or in this case poverty is literal. Let me explain.
Poverty is not a disease. in fact, financially poor people are more likely to find, feel and value love more than rich people. But attitude to wealth or poverty is very important in determining if that seeming poverty is indeed poverty.
If he is not rich, isvhe making efforts, i mean actual efforts to leave that position? Is his outlook to life like a person who does not see himself as being in that position forever? Does he have that hopeless look on his face and countenance? like he has accepted his place in life? then he is a very poor man indeed. RUN
3. If he is the only rich person or mildly successful person in that family, you might wanna reconsider. Or at least consider deeply, one rich man amongst ten poor family members is still a poor man. The dependence of people on him will kill whatever wealth he has. If you're his woman, you will constantly find that his own "duties" will start to eat into your own purse. You will be rich, but poor by the very standards of being rich.
Of ciurse this doesnt apply everytime but how do you know if yours is one of those times when it will not appear?
If you visit his background...
(not necessary physically. you can visit his backgroung through how he talks about his family members, how he relates with them and how much of family responsibility he bears and more importantly, is expected to bear.)
... and discover that they call to him for way too many things and he seems to spend more on family issues and needsof family members than himself, run.
The last thing you need is a man who has the weight of an entire clan on his shoulder. You might find yourself and your children constantly competing for his material attention with his extended family.
TAHERE NOING WRONG IN A MAN LOOKINGOUT FOR HIS FAMILY MEMBERS O
Just so long as its not overwhealming.
4. Even if a man comes into sudden wealth, if he somehow manages to educate and civilise himself, don't forget that the appearance of wealth (physical wealth) is not and can never be the same as true wealth ( wealth of the mind). If the physical wealth is good enough for you, then by all means go for it. But if you require more from a man than cash and sex, then you might have to scrutinise that seeming wealth. Wealth is not about just cash. If a foolish man holds money, he can turn it to sand. If a wise man holds sand, he can turn ot to money.
Even if he doesnt have physical cash now, what are his prospects? does he have a brain and mind but most importantly a will that can fetch him cash later?
If you marry a man because of his physical cash, without being sure if this is a streak of luck that can run out or a earned and well deserved cash, you might be in for some trouble.
5. Given the points above, A poor man (according to the standards described above) in many ramifications is a helpless man, one of the major needs of a human is the need of the ego. The need to belong, to feel important, to feel powerful. If a man loses the favour of money, he loses this ego related need and therefore makes substitutions consciously or unconsciously by trying to lord it over people closest to him. Who is closest to a man besides his wife? You will become his psychological and perhaps physical punching bag. You can save yourself that trouble by staying away from mentally and physically poor men.
6) It is easier for a rich man to "pretend" successfully that he loves you. Than for a poor man to "prove" that he loves you. If a man is rich, and he's not... well, to use the rich people's language... " he's not the best of husbands..." then you can console yourself with money and expensive gifts... but if a poor man is a... to use the poor people's language; "bad husband..." then you are doomed. (sorry for. Using the "D" word"
Also, a rich man can easily show his affection with gifts and trips and attention, a poor man will be too busy trying to be rich to love you the way you deserve to be loved (even If he has the means to).
Having the means to buy you stuff does not make a man rich though, and it will be of utmost importance to understand that by "Rich" I do not necessarily refer to money. (even though money is a very important factor. *smile*)
Why do you think all the fairytale are about the wealthy prince and the damsel? And not the pauper and the damsel?
Because wealthy princes are better disposed to loving in the proper way that paupers cannot fathom.
If hes a prince indeed (not necessarily by title) he will treat you like a princess. If hes a peasant, you might be stuck with being the princess's chambermaid. Sorry, no insult intended to the paupers but Me thinks ill take a wealthy prince any day over mister pauper who will not have intellectual or/and physical wealth to spend and will still treat his lady like rags.
