Should you really be waiting for that ring with bated breath?
Good morning people. It's the beginning of another week and I'm here again to bother you with issues that many would rather not discuss. I know I can be annoying, but isn't that one one of the things you love about me?
The issue in our discussion board today is that of the progression of relationships between opposite sexes. Now, as we all already know... the standard traditional marriage process in Africa is that of the betrothal. Where the couple might be betrothed for years without even knowing each other... well, times have changed and so have societal values on how a couple should get married. These days, the western standards of moving a relationship from the point of "relationship" to the point of marriage has taken over the former standards and even though the western standard is interesting and romantic on many levels, it often leads to uncertainty and many years of wasted efforts both body and soul wise.
The western standards encourage you to start from nothing, maybe remain at "nothing" for a while before moving on to the "relationship". Then when you are in the relationship... you have to just roll with the tides and wait for the man to propose with a beautiful jewel.
The African traditions take different stands. If i take the Yoruba people of West African Nigeria for example, it is believed that the moment you walk up to a girl, you are a minimum of 40% sure about her. The rest of the job is done by your family who then conduct an extensive research on the girl and as soon as they are satisfied that she isn't likely to have inherited any terrible disease or behaviour from her ancestors, they approach her family on your behalf and if all goes well, the dates for the wedding is soon set. It is not a rare thing for a young man to approach a lady and then lose interest, but then... it is also not common.
These days we see people who post questions on social media, asking advice on how to get "the ring" or a "proposal" from their beloved. It is heart breaking because often times, these are people who have invested, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and even spiritually in their "relationship". This then poses a dilemma on if they should just talk to their partner about marriage (since he's not taking that lead) or wait patiently in the fear of being perceived as wayward or forward.
The media has not helped much as ladies who try to define relationships from the start are often labelled as "desperate" as portrayed in a song recently... according to the rapper, these ladies say "we might not get to date if you don't pick a date" and we all sing along without understanding the depth of the lyrics of the song. The truth is, the idea of not getting to "date" if he doesn't "pick a date" is the ideal idea. Though not meant to be literal...
It is important to know what you're doing before starting to do it. If you are having a casual sexual relationship, then be sure about it... if your own thing is a friendship that was never meant to become sexual, then clarify that... but if you are dating with the hope and possible intent of tying the knot someday soon, then my dear... Know what you are getting into. Be clear from the beginning.
Don't join the clique of people who say "the start doesn't matter, what matters is where we are going".
My question is, if you do not know where you are coming from, how can you claim to even have an idea where you are going?
When the lady in that song said "see me see trouble, Oga you must marry me o... we've been dating for many years now you want to leave me follow Bola..."
She was depicting the height of emotions that run through the soul of the woman scorned. In order to NOT be in the shoes of the character she depicted... better "pick a date before you start to date".
See you soon in the second part of this discussion. Adios!!!
Good morning people. It's the beginning of another week and I'm here again to bother you with issues that many would rather not discuss. I know I can be annoying, but isn't that one one of the things you love about me?
The issue in our discussion board today is that of the progression of relationships between opposite sexes. Now, as we all already know... the standard traditional marriage process in Africa is that of the betrothal. Where the couple might be betrothed for years without even knowing each other... well, times have changed and so have societal values on how a couple should get married. These days, the western standards of moving a relationship from the point of "relationship" to the point of marriage has taken over the former standards and even though the western standard is interesting and romantic on many levels, it often leads to uncertainty and many years of wasted efforts both body and soul wise.
The western standards encourage you to start from nothing, maybe remain at "nothing" for a while before moving on to the "relationship". Then when you are in the relationship... you have to just roll with the tides and wait for the man to propose with a beautiful jewel.
The African traditions take different stands. If i take the Yoruba people of West African Nigeria for example, it is believed that the moment you walk up to a girl, you are a minimum of 40% sure about her. The rest of the job is done by your family who then conduct an extensive research on the girl and as soon as they are satisfied that she isn't likely to have inherited any terrible disease or behaviour from her ancestors, they approach her family on your behalf and if all goes well, the dates for the wedding is soon set. It is not a rare thing for a young man to approach a lady and then lose interest, but then... it is also not common.
These days we see people who post questions on social media, asking advice on how to get "the ring" or a "proposal" from their beloved. It is heart breaking because often times, these are people who have invested, physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and even spiritually in their "relationship". This then poses a dilemma on if they should just talk to their partner about marriage (since he's not taking that lead) or wait patiently in the fear of being perceived as wayward or forward.
The media has not helped much as ladies who try to define relationships from the start are often labelled as "desperate" as portrayed in a song recently... according to the rapper, these ladies say "we might not get to date if you don't pick a date" and we all sing along without understanding the depth of the lyrics of the song. The truth is, the idea of not getting to "date" if he doesn't "pick a date" is the ideal idea. Though not meant to be literal...
It is important to know what you're doing before starting to do it. If you are having a casual sexual relationship, then be sure about it... if your own thing is a friendship that was never meant to become sexual, then clarify that... but if you are dating with the hope and possible intent of tying the knot someday soon, then my dear... Know what you are getting into. Be clear from the beginning.
Don't join the clique of people who say "the start doesn't matter, what matters is where we are going".
My question is, if you do not know where you are coming from, how can you claim to even have an idea where you are going?
When the lady in that song said "see me see trouble, Oga you must marry me o... we've been dating for many years now you want to leave me follow Bola..."
She was depicting the height of emotions that run through the soul of the woman scorned. In order to NOT be in the shoes of the character she depicted... better "pick a date before you start to date".
See you soon in the second part of this discussion. Adios!!!
