Ever wondered why sometimes you feel like your parent(s) are trying to control you. Control what you do, when you do it and who you do it with?
Ever been so angry and frustrated with them? Ever wished you could just pack your bags and leave the house... ever wanted to just look in their eyes and say "Damn it dad/mom, its my life!
Well, my dear, ve been there... done that. And this is what I have to say about it. Remember that my take on this issue is not the final or even a professional opinion. But if you do not mind taking it from someone like me who is provably ten times more messed up than you, here it is.
Sometimes ago in a conversation with an older woman, I asked her why she was so desperate to have more children, (she already had two) she told me and I quote
quote; My dear, a time often comes in a persons life when we look back on our entire existence and start to feel bad. We start to think we have absolutely fucked up. We start to see our failures more vividly and start to wish we could re do things over again. This period is sometimes refered to as the period of the mid life crisis. At this point of your life, if you have a child or more, you might be able to see them as a chance for a do over. A chance to start over and do things right. These children will become little carbon copies of ourselves that offer us a better chance at life. If you do not have this at this point in life, a feeling of hopelessnes might set in.
I looked at her and it struck me like thunderbolt. She had just described what I have witnessed so often in my life and I started to gain insights into why it often seems like our parents are trying to control our lives. Make us do strictly what they want and nothing else. It began to dawn on me that in trying to control our lives, what our parents are actually trying to do is to re-live their lives correct old mistakes and start afresh. They are attempting to make a grab for a blank slate of sorts.
This is not absolutely healthy of course because try as they may: to merge our lives and theirs, we are still individuals and we have our own mind, will, and Destiny if you will. But some people say its the thought of the deed that counts? If this is even remotely true, then it will make sense to know that in our parents efforts to control our lives, there is one thought only; have to get it right this ti and well, in its own way, its not such a bad thing to want to get things right.
Oh...
Before you even say it, let me tell you that i get its not their life its mine! they have spent their time, this is mine
Trust me dear I get it. And I;m not saying that it is good for parents to try to manipulate Or control their childrens lies. Im only saying that take it or leave it, you carry some of their DNA and you might just find yourself falling into the same traps that they did or making the same mistakes that they made. Letting them guide you is not the worst thing that could happen you know.
On the other hand, some parents over do it. They forget that when it comes right down to it, we are individuals in our own right and we only carry a part of their DNA and are not necessarily going to make the same mistakes they made. It is important for parents to know that beyond being second chances to do things right, we are also their first chance at parenting and the aim should not necessarily be to prevent us from making mistakes, the aim should be helping us lead a life that will be free of the burdens of the generations before. Till parents are able to understand that we are individuals in our own right and treat us as such, we will be unable to live our lives to its true potential. So buckle now if you&re yet to, its time to understand and love your parents for their efforts to make you better than they turned out, but then it&aupmì;s time to realise that except you are willing to step out and make your own life, you will be in their exact shoes in a few years time.
Ever been so angry and frustrated with them? Ever wished you could just pack your bags and leave the house... ever wanted to just look in their eyes and say "Damn it dad/mom, its my life!
Well, my dear, ve been there... done that. And this is what I have to say about it. Remember that my take on this issue is not the final or even a professional opinion. But if you do not mind taking it from someone like me who is provably ten times more messed up than you, here it is.
Sometimes ago in a conversation with an older woman, I asked her why she was so desperate to have more children, (she already had two) she told me and I quote
quote; My dear, a time often comes in a persons life when we look back on our entire existence and start to feel bad. We start to think we have absolutely fucked up. We start to see our failures more vividly and start to wish we could re do things over again. This period is sometimes refered to as the period of the mid life crisis. At this point of your life, if you have a child or more, you might be able to see them as a chance for a do over. A chance to start over and do things right. These children will become little carbon copies of ourselves that offer us a better chance at life. If you do not have this at this point in life, a feeling of hopelessnes might set in.
I looked at her and it struck me like thunderbolt. She had just described what I have witnessed so often in my life and I started to gain insights into why it often seems like our parents are trying to control our lives. Make us do strictly what they want and nothing else. It began to dawn on me that in trying to control our lives, what our parents are actually trying to do is to re-live their lives correct old mistakes and start afresh. They are attempting to make a grab for a blank slate of sorts.
This is not absolutely healthy of course because try as they may: to merge our lives and theirs, we are still individuals and we have our own mind, will, and Destiny if you will. But some people say its the thought of the deed that counts? If this is even remotely true, then it will make sense to know that in our parents efforts to control our lives, there is one thought only; have to get it right this ti and well, in its own way, its not such a bad thing to want to get things right.
Oh...
Before you even say it, let me tell you that i get its not their life its mine! they have spent their time, this is mine
Trust me dear I get it. And I;m not saying that it is good for parents to try to manipulate Or control their childrens lies. Im only saying that take it or leave it, you carry some of their DNA and you might just find yourself falling into the same traps that they did or making the same mistakes that they made. Letting them guide you is not the worst thing that could happen you know.
On the other hand, some parents over do it. They forget that when it comes right down to it, we are individuals in our own right and we only carry a part of their DNA and are not necessarily going to make the same mistakes they made. It is important for parents to know that beyond being second chances to do things right, we are also their first chance at parenting and the aim should not necessarily be to prevent us from making mistakes, the aim should be helping us lead a life that will be free of the burdens of the generations before. Till parents are able to understand that we are individuals in our own right and treat us as such, we will be unable to live our lives to its true potential. So buckle now if you&re yet to, its time to understand and love your parents for their efforts to make you better than they turned out, but then it&aupmì;s time to realise that except you are willing to step out and make your own life, you will be in their exact shoes in a few years time.
1 comment:
VERY TRUE INDEED
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