so i met this really awesome guy. tall, dark and handsome. nice, strong but gentle, beautiful smile, nice personality and quite intelligent too. what else could a girl want? we were friends and were starting to get close... spending a lot of time on the phone, texting, hanging out for lunch.or dinner and even buying each other stuff.
there was a hitch though
he was married!
damn damn damn!!! why life gotta do a girl like that?
but there it was. i was friends with this awsome guy who seemed to be very into me, but he was a married man and he wanted me to "date" him. ok now, here we go
i wasnt confused... i mean i knew the exact answer to this kind of issue, the same answer that i had been giving so many girls that talked to me about such before...
its not an option." "dont even think about it" "bad idea"
so i put myself together, squared my shoulders and started to walk out on the whole thing, including the friendship part. we were at a restaurant and after explaining to him all the rather very obvious reasons why we couldnt be together, i had stood up and was ready to leave the place when he reached out and placed a hand on my elbow. i turned around and looked into his eyes, it as red, bloodshot and he seemed like he was going to start throwing a tantrum right there. he looked into my eyes with those intense eyes of his and i was rooted to the ground. couldnt go on and definitely couldnt bring myself to move towards him. i was stuck on the spot almost as if i was under a spell.
i was under a spell alright.
a spell that had been cast by my own already growing affections for him, but more saliently, a spell of sweet sweet taboo. the very idea that i was breaking a rule charged me to glue me to the spot. i stayed there and waited. my breath laboured and my palms wet.
" please stay... i really need you in my life dear"
"wht about your wife?" i had asked but he had pretended like he hadnt heard me. so i repeated the question. finally, he said
" well, we dont have a connection anymore. we havent even had sex in months."
i was not surprised... i was disappointed. this was a guy that i liked and had a nice level of respect for but here he was, using the oldest trick in the book. the dumb "we dont have a connection anymore" cliche. i was pissed and to say the least, i was irritated. i jerked my elbow from him and as i walked out of the restaurant, i made a decision not to ever see that guy again.
i went home and went about my daily activities like nothing happened but he was on my mind. not in a romantic way, more like in an aware and conscious way that enabled me to not like him much anymore but still left him in my thoughts through the activities of the day. i was viewing him as an "asshole" at first but as i thought about it more, i wondered if that old trick in the book was so old because it applied to men from centuries and centuries back.
yes!
i agree that his excuse was stupid and rather disrespectful to his wife's person, my intelligence and the institution of marriage itself. but then i am thinking that maybe many men give this excuse because many men feel this way. starting from the level of emotions, desire, self worth and ego, and most importantly and least understood, intelligence.
before marriage, women put in exra efforts to please their men, dressing hot, looking neat and clean , some even wear make up to bed and wear nice scents all in a bit to get him stuck on her and what she has to offer him. men pay the women back with attention, affection, strength, gifts, etc...
the point that i am about to make is that with marriage and especially the arrival of kids in the picture, the couple might be taken and overwealmed by responsibility and thus have little time for themselves much less each other. they grow apart, start to have different interests and might even go as far as sleeping apart .
now when i talk about sleeping apart, i dont necessarily mean sleeping in different rooms, each time you go to bed separately, at diffrent time, and not in each other's arms, you are sleeping separately. couples might start to see things they do to and for each other as a "duty" rather than a normal part of loving, respecting and caring about each other." .
at this point, the woman who used to laugh at your jokes now looks on indifferently when you talk, you feel detached and unhappy that she doesnt find yoy interesting anymore not knowing that the main reason she found you funny was because she had a connection with you... the connection that is now fast receeding.
the woman who would serve you both's meals in the same bowl no matter how many travels to the kitchen that would mean for her now doesnt feel the need to do so anymore, you are unhappy about this not realising that if she always had to wait for you to get home before eating, she would become a patient of anorexia fast.
a woman who would go out of her way to buy sexy lingiree just to get you up at the mere sight now wears the same pajamas to bed for one week straight. you wonder why shes not sexy anymore and dont realise that the nights she slept semi naked, she was in your arms and there was no cold. now she needs the extra clothing to protect herself from catching a chill despite the fact that her husband is in the same bed.
the woman who used to call you "baby" now calls you "daddy junior" because that is what the society (in this case the prying eyes of family and friends) expects of her.
the woman that would stick your dick in her mouth and attempt to swallow it whole without a second thought before now cant do it because she cannot stop wondering where that dick was on friday night even though you were just hanging out with the guys.
you feel like you dont enjoy sex with her anymore especially since the birth of the babies, but it is obvious that the lack of sexual interest on your part is not a recent development but something that had been happenning for a long while. dated back to during the pregnancy when her hormones were high and she wanted it every night but you wouldnt do it because you didnt like the way her tommy bulged.
when all these things are said and done, we see that it doesnt matter who is at fault here, what matters is how we feel and how we want to feel. extra marital affairs in not permisible under any circumstances. if she attracted you enough to put the ring on it, then i expect that when things go south as they usually do especially when children arrive, you talk about it, you work on it, you work for it and stand by your marriage no matter what. if the differences become unreconcillable, file for a divorce and at least give her the dignity of knowing that you tried.
my friendship with joe the married man showed me something that i needed to see, that cheating men are not necessarily monsters but dim witted, half witted lazy fools who are too dumb to work on what they have and would rather go out there looking for attention and affection amongst girls who most likely either want to "spend your money" or destroy your home in a bid to evict your wife from it.
who can blame them? survival of the fittest after all...
there was a hitch though
he was married!
damn damn damn!!! why life gotta do a girl like that?
but there it was. i was friends with this awsome guy who seemed to be very into me, but he was a married man and he wanted me to "date" him. ok now, here we go
i wasnt confused... i mean i knew the exact answer to this kind of issue, the same answer that i had been giving so many girls that talked to me about such before...
its not an option." "dont even think about it" "bad idea"
so i put myself together, squared my shoulders and started to walk out on the whole thing, including the friendship part. we were at a restaurant and after explaining to him all the rather very obvious reasons why we couldnt be together, i had stood up and was ready to leave the place when he reached out and placed a hand on my elbow. i turned around and looked into his eyes, it as red, bloodshot and he seemed like he was going to start throwing a tantrum right there. he looked into my eyes with those intense eyes of his and i was rooted to the ground. couldnt go on and definitely couldnt bring myself to move towards him. i was stuck on the spot almost as if i was under a spell.
i was under a spell alright.
a spell that had been cast by my own already growing affections for him, but more saliently, a spell of sweet sweet taboo. the very idea that i was breaking a rule charged me to glue me to the spot. i stayed there and waited. my breath laboured and my palms wet.
" please stay... i really need you in my life dear"
"wht about your wife?" i had asked but he had pretended like he hadnt heard me. so i repeated the question. finally, he said
" well, we dont have a connection anymore. we havent even had sex in months."
i was not surprised... i was disappointed. this was a guy that i liked and had a nice level of respect for but here he was, using the oldest trick in the book. the dumb "we dont have a connection anymore" cliche. i was pissed and to say the least, i was irritated. i jerked my elbow from him and as i walked out of the restaurant, i made a decision not to ever see that guy again.
i went home and went about my daily activities like nothing happened but he was on my mind. not in a romantic way, more like in an aware and conscious way that enabled me to not like him much anymore but still left him in my thoughts through the activities of the day. i was viewing him as an "asshole" at first but as i thought about it more, i wondered if that old trick in the book was so old because it applied to men from centuries and centuries back.
yes!
i agree that his excuse was stupid and rather disrespectful to his wife's person, my intelligence and the institution of marriage itself. but then i am thinking that maybe many men give this excuse because many men feel this way. starting from the level of emotions, desire, self worth and ego, and most importantly and least understood, intelligence.
before marriage, women put in exra efforts to please their men, dressing hot, looking neat and clean , some even wear make up to bed and wear nice scents all in a bit to get him stuck on her and what she has to offer him. men pay the women back with attention, affection, strength, gifts, etc...
the point that i am about to make is that with marriage and especially the arrival of kids in the picture, the couple might be taken and overwealmed by responsibility and thus have little time for themselves much less each other. they grow apart, start to have different interests and might even go as far as sleeping apart .
now when i talk about sleeping apart, i dont necessarily mean sleeping in different rooms, each time you go to bed separately, at diffrent time, and not in each other's arms, you are sleeping separately. couples might start to see things they do to and for each other as a "duty" rather than a normal part of loving, respecting and caring about each other." .
at this point, the woman who used to laugh at your jokes now looks on indifferently when you talk, you feel detached and unhappy that she doesnt find yoy interesting anymore not knowing that the main reason she found you funny was because she had a connection with you... the connection that is now fast receeding.
the woman who would serve you both's meals in the same bowl no matter how many travels to the kitchen that would mean for her now doesnt feel the need to do so anymore, you are unhappy about this not realising that if she always had to wait for you to get home before eating, she would become a patient of anorexia fast.
a woman who would go out of her way to buy sexy lingiree just to get you up at the mere sight now wears the same pajamas to bed for one week straight. you wonder why shes not sexy anymore and dont realise that the nights she slept semi naked, she was in your arms and there was no cold. now she needs the extra clothing to protect herself from catching a chill despite the fact that her husband is in the same bed.
the woman who used to call you "baby" now calls you "daddy junior" because that is what the society (in this case the prying eyes of family and friends) expects of her.
the woman that would stick your dick in her mouth and attempt to swallow it whole without a second thought before now cant do it because she cannot stop wondering where that dick was on friday night even though you were just hanging out with the guys.
you feel like you dont enjoy sex with her anymore especially since the birth of the babies, but it is obvious that the lack of sexual interest on your part is not a recent development but something that had been happenning for a long while. dated back to during the pregnancy when her hormones were high and she wanted it every night but you wouldnt do it because you didnt like the way her tommy bulged.
when all these things are said and done, we see that it doesnt matter who is at fault here, what matters is how we feel and how we want to feel. extra marital affairs in not permisible under any circumstances. if she attracted you enough to put the ring on it, then i expect that when things go south as they usually do especially when children arrive, you talk about it, you work on it, you work for it and stand by your marriage no matter what. if the differences become unreconcillable, file for a divorce and at least give her the dignity of knowing that you tried.
my friendship with joe the married man showed me something that i needed to see, that cheating men are not necessarily monsters but dim witted, half witted lazy fools who are too dumb to work on what they have and would rather go out there looking for attention and affection amongst girls who most likely either want to "spend your money" or destroy your home in a bid to evict your wife from it.
who can blame them? survival of the fittest after all...
