she killed a baby for a nose job. we cant all be brave.

Today... I came upon an outcry.
A woman who had been named the most shameless woman in Europe had done another terrible thing. She had committed a high moral crime. "She is a pig, a slut, a terrible human by all standards". The world's non specific association of women was saying. I read her story. I followed her historical time line. And I couldn't help but feel like the rest of the world was right. The caption said it all.
WOMAN KILLS HER BABY TO GET A NOSEJOB.
Wow!!!"

I found myself repeating over and over again and soon after reading the first few lines of that article... I did what most humans do so unwittingly. I judged her!
Don't get me wrong... I had a good reason to judge her. I mean common! Who kills a baby to get a nose job? But then I started to read further... and turns out she had an abortion because she had a huge debut into the porn industry coming up and the baby was proving to be a stumbling block. She had walked into a cosmetic hospital and asked for a nose job, the doctor of course was happy to provide her with the service. But then she mentioned she was about two months pregnant and the doctor said "oh no way... we can't do it while you're pregnant."
She called a few other hospitals and got the same feed back.
" they can't give her the needed nose for her huge career plunge."
She felt bad. She weighed her pros and cons and considered that she already had three children. She had a responsibility to give the children she did have the best possible life she could afford and she had finally come to the brinks of being able to do that. The problem is that the twelve weeks old foetus would stand in the way of this. She had to make a tough decision; Either she gives up her porn modelling career by giving up her nose job or have an abortion and be able to do what she so desperately wanted. She did what she had to do and here we are.
I know I'm starting to sound like I'm on her side but let's call a spade a spade. She has three children already and the extra one would need food, shelter, clothing and all this cost money. She had to choose between a source of livelihood that could be her big break and an extra mouth to feed. Between an asset and a liability. She chose the asset and we judge her for it.
Yes!
She could have done better. She could have made better choices. For God's sakes she is only twenty five! She has three children? Damn that's a lot to have at that age. And they are from different fathers? Shit... that's some crazy assed b***h!
I know these are the things anyone hearing her story for the first time would think. But people let's not forget that our lives, experiences and circumstances that determine what path we take are different. She is a porn star with three children who sacrificed the chance to have another baby for a chance to move up the ladder in her profession. This is no different from girls who have abortions because they are set to go to law school in a few months and do not want to go in with a bulging tommy. This is no different from young girls in high school who have abortions in order to give their ambitions a chance. This is not really different from people who amputate a limb to save the body or those who break the melon open to get to the juice  in it. It's not pretty sight but sometimes we have to make the really tough decisions in order to get to where we need to be.
Life they say is not a bed of roses... but then does it have to be a bed of thorns? life can have some really shitty timings and there's often nothing we can do about it. I mean why couldn't her opportunity come before or after that pregnancy? Why couldn't the pregnancy come before or after her opportunity? Why the coincidence?
Sometimes though, we are given some really tough choices to make. Perhaps we close our eyes and take a huge leap, take a fifity-fifty chance. But then sometimes we decide to take our lives into our hands and stir our ships ourselves and not leave it to the blowing of chance winds. Like Leona Lewis said... we can't all be brave... but then let's try not to pull the brave ones down.

my ramblings on reading between the lines.

Once... I asked a toaster "Is it that you are this old and accomplished and yet without a girl? " He said to me... "I have a girl... but we have issues and I'm absolutely stealable." Damn I liked him. It was tempting to jump in with both feet. But then, I read between the lines. He has (*not had)a girl... they have issues... (not had... they are trying to fix the issues)... and he is willing to stray for a while and ultimately find his way back to her. I wasn't hurt by that realisation... I was taught. I smiled like it was funny and left with a heart ready to burst. But I left with my shoulders squared and would today look at the whole issue and smile... because now, It is genuinely funny. How could he have been so smart and how could I have been so smarter because even as I looked into his eyes with all innocence (or seeming innocence) I can remember vividly thinking... "this is such a terrible bore." He saw me as a distraction... I saw him as big bag of boring bones. At least I distracted him. So many things about life leaves conscious and unconscious impressions on us. Life is what it is... something to be enjoyed and appreciated. I have however come to the discovery that very few people will go out of their way to make things easy for you. That is your duty... your personal responsibility. Everybody wants to be happy, and very few will actually try consciously not to hurt anyone in their quest for happiness. The issue is not for you to make everyone like you enough to not want to hurt you... it is not possible. the issue is to be able to recognise the many times in life when people will need something and will try to take it even if will hurt you. The issue is to realise that sometimes... even though you also want what that person seemingly wants, you are better off without it. There is never going to be a time when the world doesn't swallow the weak, when fish don't eat each other for growth, and when even humans literally or figuratively ride roughshod over fellow humans in order to get what they want. It is left to you to decide if you want to be the victim or you want to be the... whatever the opposite of victim is. I guess it was fair.

what to tell your children on pre marital sex1

Recently, in a post I read on a Whatsapp group page, someone postulated that we exchange spirits, characters, personalities etc when we have sex. And that when we have sex with many people, we become confused as we adopt their ideas in addition to all the other people we have had sex with. This person pursued further that multiple personalities disorder is a result of this unhealthy sexual lifestyle. I read patiently and to be candid was highly disappointed. I suddenly realised why teenage pregnancies and sexual imorality prevails in our society. This person has put together a group of grossly unrelated issues in order to put out an idea that is both stupid and almost absolutely shameful.

On the point that when we have sex with people, we take on their characters, their spirit, their ideas and ideals and so on... I am pushed to ask, "if this is true, why do people who have sex fight? I mean since they now have each other's personality... why do they have disagreements?"
The truth is that, after living together for a very long time. Eating, making love, sleeping, fighting, making up... you and your partner will start to look alike. Act alike, talk alike, and even have similar opinions about issues. This happens in most older couples but it also happens in some young couples. It's all a matter of connection. If under those sort of circumstances you feel that spirits have been exchanged, i'ld then point out people of same sex who don't have sex but live together and  because of their closeness, they have these same features.
It is highly unhealthy to have people circulating stupid posts like that in our society because of the mental and educational health of our youths.
When you present reasons like the ones above in that article to a teenager... you will momentarily instill fear in them but they may be young... they are not dumb. Soon they will get convinced by someone else who has more practical reasons why they should have sex outside marriage more than you . They will say to each other... (don't mind them, they are superstitious.) and they will dis obey you. Even the bible says nothing about sexual partners putting spirits in each other.
Give the kids some practical reasons. Real reasons. Sensible reasons... and guide them. Don't preach at them, don't judge them. Be their friend and cultivate a habit of telling you everything in them. Only then can you have them in the way you want them to be