Ever wondered why sometimes you feel like your parent(s) are trying to control  you.  Control what you do,  when you do it and who you do it with?
Ever been so angry and frustrated with them? Ever wished you could just pack your bags and leave the house...  ever wanted to just look in their eyes and say "Damn it dad/mom,  its my life!
Well,  my dear,  ve been there...  done that. And this is what I have to say about it.  Remember that my take on this issue is not the final or even a professional opinion.  But if you do not mind taking it from someone like me who is provably ten times more messed up than you,  here it is.

Sometimes ago in a conversation with an older woman,  I asked her why she was so desperate  to have more children,  (she already had two) she told me and I quote
quote; My dear,  a time often comes in a persons life when we look back on our entire existence  and start to feel bad.  We start to think we have absolutely  fucked up.  We start to see our failures more vividly and start to wish we could re do things over again.  This period  is sometimes refered to as the period of the mid life crisis. At this point of your life,  if you have a child or more,  you might be able to see them as a chance for a do over.  A chance to start over and do things right.  These children will become little carbon copies of ourselves that offer us a better chance at life. If you do not have this at this point in life,  a feeling of hopelessnes might set in.
I looked at her and it struck me like thunderbolt.  She had just described what I have witnessed so often in my life and I started to gain insights into why it often seems like our parents are trying to control our lives.  Make us do strictly what they want and nothing else.  It began to dawn on me that in trying to control our lives,  what our parents are actually trying to do is to re-live their lives correct old mistakes and start afresh.  They are attempting to make a grab for a blank slate of sorts.
This is not absolutely  healthy of course because try as they may: to merge our lives and theirs,  we are still individuals  and we have our own mind,  will,  and Destiny  if you will.  But  some people say its the thought of the deed that counts?  If this is even remotely true,  then it will make sense to know that in our parents efforts to control our lives,  there is one thought only;  have to get it right this ti and well,  in its own way,  its not such a bad thing to want to get things right.
Oh...
Before you even say it,  let me tell you that i get its not their life its mine! they have spent their time,  this is mine
Trust me dear I get it.  And I;m not saying that it is good for parents to try  to manipulate  Or control their childrens lies. Im only saying that take it or leave it,  you carry some of their DNA and you might just find yourself falling into the same traps that they did or making the same mistakes that they made.  Letting them guide you is not the worst thing that could happen you know.

On the other hand,  some parents over do it.  They forget that when it comes right down to it,   we are individuals in our own right and we only carry  a part of their DNA  and are not necessarily  going to make the same mistakes they made.  It is important for parents to know that beyond being second chances to do things right,  we are also their first chance at parenting and the aim should not necessarily  be to prevent  us from making mistakes,  the aim should be helping us lead a life that will be free of the burdens of the generations before. Till parents are able to understand that we are individuals  in our own right and treat us as such,  we will be unable to live our  lives to its true potential.  So buckle now if you&re yet to,  its time to understand and love  your parents for their efforts  to make you better than they turned out,  but then it&aupmì;s time to realise that except  you are willing to step out and make your own life,  you will be in their exact shoes in a few years time.

I was lost in thought. It was tuesday and it was becoming clear that. Wednesday might meet me still without decision. Last night, Mom had called into me into her room and with tears in her eyes, (she was trying to hide it) she asked me one question only;
When do you want to get married?
I was confused! I looked at her in my confusion and repeated the key word in her question.
Married?"
Yes married" she repeated. Then before I could show my discomfort at the direction that this conversation was obviously about to take, she continued.
"My baby, I don't. Want you to be out there Too long, you just graduated and  I know you are all about your career right now but I really want you to be married soon"
I was angry, at the fact that she was even talking to me about something like this. But I kinda saw reasons with her so I just walked out of her room with my head bowed.
When I got to my room, I decided to think about what my mom had just said. For God's sake mom... I thought to myself, I'm just twenty two!" I sat down anyway and started to consider who amongst my many boyfriends was most eligible and available at the same time.
There was Kolawole, a final year medical student whom I loved so much and he loved me too! He is so loving, so caring, he didn't bug me and didn't invade my personal space. I love the way we are with each other and to be honest, despite the stress that the long distance had created for our relationship,for whoever gets him, he's a very good catch. But he won't be ready for marriage for another five years or so. If I pressure him a bit, he might do it in three, but I don't want to. I love him and I don't want to put any sort of pressure on him.
Then there is Adedayo. A graduate of microbiology who is so romantic it hurts! He is so gentle and nice, he sometimes has a moment of. Anger but generally, he is a good man who is not afraid of responsibility. He loves me and I kinda love him. But he is also quite ambitious and I don't see him getting married anytime soon. Plus, I don't know if he is a guy. I should even be thinking about in terms of marriage, he has a bit of a womanising streak in him and even though I haven't really caught him, I think... you know what I think.
Then there is Paul. A ready made business owner who claims to love me and want to marry me in about a year's time but I've never seen him before. I know how this sounds but the guy is so sweet and we could talk for hours on the phone. He doesn't seem to ever have enough of me and I kinda like him. Problem is Paul is from Benin and my parents will disapprove of the union. Plus I have political ambitions and therefore need to stay close to my state as much as I can especially in terms of marriage.
Now you see me. Above are the three guys who even come close to the marital table. I of. Course have a few other guys who bug me to death, but here is the basic catalogue.
After I had done this, I thought about what I myself wanted. I thought about the three guys and I constantly found myself wishing this guy were richer and that guy were ready. I found myself wishing I loved that one enough, or that this one were taller. I was confused and I could feel the snout of pressure. Soon, it will be it's belly on my back. Somewhere between my thoughts that morning, it crossed my mind to ask mom why she had been crying, but just I walked upstairs to do just that, I heard the. Gate open and the sound of her car zooming out of the compound. I sighed in disappointment and went to dress up for work. "Maybe she was having a moment." I thought to myself as I bathed my back. But something at that moment filled me with dread. I could feel it... I could sense it. As I stepped out of the shower that morning, my heart was heavy. I didn't know why.
At the office that day around 2pm, my family doctor came over to pay some bills. When he greeted me, he was. Like...
"E ku itoju mommy"
I was like... eerrrrrr yes sir"
and he was about to leave when it occurred to me that he had greeted. Me a bit too solemnly. So I went after him,
Sir..." I said
What exactly is wrong with my mom?"
He looked at me in a bit of a shock and asked...
"You don't know?"
I looked at him askance and he must have seen how confused I was. Cos he pulled me back into my office and said quietly,
Dola, your mom has stage three cervical cancer, I don't know what will happen but I don't know if we will win this battle."
Then he launched into a long explanation of how it all began and through his words, I realised that my mom had only been trying to make sure I was in safe hands before she passed. I felt the tears welling in my eyes and after he left, I was in there for another two hours. The following morning, I made my decision!